One Day at a Time
by fbeauchamphartz
Summary: Grieving the loss of his mother has taken it's toll on Kurt. He's stopped eating, stopped sleeping, has basically given up on life, but Sebastian is determined not to give up on his husband. Written for the anon who prompted "Kurt suffers from an anxiety attack and Sebastian takes care of him". (Story changes the timeline of Kurt's mother's death.) Kurt H. Sebastian S.


**A/N:****_ Story changes the timeline so that Kurt's mother dies when he's an adult. Warning for mention of anxiety, panic attack, mention of death. FutureFic, emotional hurt/comfort, angst, romance._**

The drive back to the rental house takes forever as soon as the worst of the storm hits. They didn't see it coming. The sky had been blue and clear all morning. The clouds crept in on them unexpectedly while they napped, tanning on their towels under the early summer sun. There hadn't been much more than a strong breeze to warn them before thunder punched the air, the skies opened up, and the rain washed down.

All it takes is a clap of thunder and the touch of rain to paralyze Kurt. He doesn't move, he just falls apart all at once. Once Kurt starts crying - choking around panicked, open-mouthed screams, tears running down his face in droves - he can't make himself calm down. He shakes all over, uncontrollably, every muscle in his body trying to tear out from under his skin. Sebastian has to carry Kurt at a run to the car. Sebastian can't leave Kurt alone even for a second when he's like this, so they end up abandoning their towels on the beach and drive at full tilt back to their summer rental.

This was not supposed to happen, and not just this disaster at the beach.

This was not supposed to be their life. This was not the man Sebastian married.

The tragic accident that took Kurt's mother from him didn't only end _her_ life.

In many ways, it ended Kurt's life as well.

Kurt stopped taking care of himself. He doesn't feed himself; he barely sleeps. He's given up on nearly everything he loves – sewing, music, theater. He hasn't touched his piano or his sewing machine since the funeral. He doesn't often leave the house, and when he does, he puts no effort into what he wears or how he looks. Little things trigger small crying fits – the smell of his mom's favorite perfume, cheesecake (the dessert they always made together), her favorite song, the one that she would always sing to him before bedtime.

But the most devastating trigger by far for Kurt has been the rain.

Elizabeth Hummel died in a four car pile-up during a sudden spring deluge three months ago, and Kurt hasn't been the same since. Sebastian knew that Kurt and his mother were close, but he could never have predicted this. Maybe it wasn't the fact that she died, but the fact that she was taken from her son so early. Whatever the reason, he's stuck in this time and place, with no impetus to move forward from here.

What is the purpose of starring on Broadway if his mother isn't there to see him? Why work so hard on starting his own clothing line if she can't sit by the runway during Fashion Week when he debuted? Why even think about adopting children if she isn't there to spoil them?

Sebastian loved Kurt's mother, too, but he knows that giving up on life isn't going to bring her back. He wants to continue on.

Kurt is standing still.

Sebastian couldn't stand the thought that he might lose Kurt, so he planned a second honeymoon and whisked his husband away to the coast – a place they've been to many times before, a place where they could always be themselves together, where they could be alone and forget that the world existed for a while.

Sebastian wanted to escape to a place where he might be able to put his grieving husband back together.

Sebastian had planned their trip so meticulously…that's the painful part about Kurt's meltdown. Sebastian had pinpointed a block of time when the National Weather Service guaranteed that the chances of a storm would be less than 10%, promising sunny skies for the whole week.

Sebastian thought they'd be safe.

Well, here Sebastian is, driving his hysterical husband back to their rental in the 9.9% chance of a storm.

When this is all over, he's going to be writing a strongly worded email.

Sebastian pulls their car straight into the garage and Kurt races out before it even stops rolling.

"Babe!" Sebastian calls after him, throwing the car hurriedly into park and following Kurt into the house. Kurt doesn't stop. He doesn't seem to hear. He runs into their bedroom, straight into the bathroom, and shuts the door – the only room without a window – locking it behind him.

More thunder booms, sounding like the flat end of a large ball peen hammer pounding against the roof, shaking the whole house, and when the noise subsides, Sebastian hears what remains of Kurt's tortured cry.

"Kurt," Sebastian yells, wanting not to but needing to be heard through the door and over the rain, "what do you need me to do?"

"I…I don't know," comes Kurt's shuddering reply. "I just…I just want to get away from the—-"

More thunder roars, cutting Kurt off. The din outside bleeds away into whimpers from behind the door, and Sebastian sinks down onto the floor, feeling helpless.

"Do you…do you want to go somewhere else?" Sebastian offers. "Somewhere further inland? Maybe the storm's not as bad away from the water."

"I don't want to go back out in that!" Kurt cries, a frightened edge barreling through his voice full-force.

Sebastian feels his husband's terror like a knife through his skull.

"Well, shit, Kurt!" he says, on the verge of breaking down himself, knowing he can't, not in any way. "I'm just trying to help."

He hears a small, trembling sniffle, and curses at himself for letting his temper slip.

"I know, I know," Kurt answers softly, bracing himself for more thunder to come.

"Do you have any ideas?" Sebastian asks, trying to remember the steps their counselor taught him, how to stand by and let Kurt come up with solutions for himself and not force ideas on him.

These steps are hard for Sebastian to follow. They go contrary to his nature. Sebastian is a take-charge kind of guy. He doesn't like standing back and doing nothing, especially where it involves his husband.

He doesn't like seeing Kurt in pain.

"I think…" Kurt starts, and Sebastian holds his breath to listen. "I think, maybe…I'm just going to take a shower."

Sebastian could have laughed. He might have let a laugh slip - bitter and relieved.

"How is taking a shower different than being out in the rain?" Sebastian asks, going for humor but coming off annoyed.

"I don't know! It just is, alright?" Kurt yells back, the tears in his voice still present, ever-present.

They don't ever seem to go away.

"I'm sorry, Kurt," Sebastian pleads, tight-lipped, trying hard not to let his frustration take over and force him to lose his cool, "but you've got to help me out here, babe. I don't know what you want me to do."

"I don't know, either," Kurt calls out. "I feel… lost. I feel alone. I'm not sure why this is happening, you know that."

Sebastian used to get so offended when Kurt said that. How could he feel alone when the man who loves him more than anyone in the world is standing right in front of him?

But it's the truth. What Kurt is going through is like some bizarre mind-control. It's a slippery slope for both of them. Nothing about what Kurt suffered made sense to Sebastian. All he knows is that no matter what, he can't leave Kurt. He can't leave Kurt to fight this alone.

Each roar of thunder hits Kurt at the core of his psyche and sets alarm bells blaring in his brain, ringing throughout his body – klaxons, sirens, all going off at once, all screaming their own separate warnings. They ring so loudly that they fill Kurt's head to bursting. He turns on the water and throws his hands over his ears, humming in an effort to drown them out, but he can't hear himself think.

That means Kurt also doesn't hear the door open, the lock picked easily from the outside. With his hands plastered over his ears he can't hear Sebastian undress. With his eyes squeezed shut, he doesn't see Sebastian pull aside the shower curtain and climb inside the tub, crouching down to sit beside him. Kurt startles at the first unexpected press of lips against his forehead and his eyes snap open, but the moment his husband's arms wrap around him, he melts into their warm embrace.

"It's alright, babe," Sebastian says as Kurt cries against his shoulder, planting kiss after kiss across Kurt's wet forehead, whispering words of encouragement into his skin. "It's okay. You're not alone. You can do this. We'll do it together…one day at a time."


End file.
